


murritspection

by murritturkin



Category: Vast Error
Genre: M/M, Quadrant Vacillation, So is Jack, Unrequited Love, calder is mentioned, dismas is just mentioned, murrit pov, murrits brainscape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 08:45:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18567919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murritturkin/pseuds/murritturkin
Summary: You have a good reason to fill your head with static all night.





	murritspection

You have a tendency to ask yourself, “What the fuck happened?”

Of course, you remember everything, duh. Your life is some shit straight out of a book. You know how everything goes down. Some memories are much more blurry than others yet some are as clear as day. It’s like opening an advent calendar in a weird, twisted way. Each day you get something new, but at the end, it’s always the same. 

You only get real existential when you’re so bored or just can’t get into an easy groove. Right now? You’d be forcing Laivan to play Anthropormuncipality, or bothering the absolute shit out of Dismas. Instead? You are sitting in your shitty little swivel chair thinking about all the crazy shit you’ve done in only _9 sweeps._

You’re rather surprised you’re not dead. 

You don’t like thinking back to when it “all began” as if you were a villain monologuing about their shitty childhood.

Are you much different? Not really. Yeah, your childhood was absolute shit at its best, but do you monologue it? Nah. You more or less log about it in your little headspace.

You focus on the smaller memories. How about that one time Dismas held you up by your collar and kissed you for the first time? Shit’s tasty. You find yourself thinking about the memories with Dismas a lot, even if they’re not exactly what’d you call _good,_ you don’t want to get all sappy and say that he’s made everything just a bit bearable on the fucked up roller coaster called your _life,_ but you would be lying if you said he didn’t.

You’re seriously head over heels. How did you even get to that station? Ugh. It’s been like this for a good sweep, if you remember correctly. You’ve tried your best to loot the chest that you call your feelings but it’s a bit more difficult with a broken key and no lockpicking supplies. Of course, no one else knows about your red predicament but that’s okay. If it helps you and your quadmate stay safe and together, then sure. You’ll do it, hide your feelings. No big deal. You’ve been doin’ it since you were hatched, who’s to say that’s gonna stop now? Not you.

Let’s get back to the real shit. How did it come to this?

You think you truly have all the answers, but you don’t.

Joining the Derse version of the mob? Cool. Happens to all of us. Killing a couple _(you mean a lot)_ people? Happens. What can you do about it? You can’t change time and you fully know that. 

You’ve improved yourself, you like this version of Murrit better _(even if he can’t figure out how he feels about certain people in his life and represses his emotions below sea level)._ You’ve changed for the better in some ways, you haven’t changed at all in others. 

You ignore the other parts. You accept they happened, but you take shortcuts around them. When you take a jog down memory lane you take a stop at a nearby fast serotonin or dopamine restaurant and stock up. 

Memories with Jack? Who cares. Take ‘em away, boys. Memories with Calder? You broke the kid’s heart, don’t like to think about it. Do they haunt you? Sometimes. It happens to everyone. Everyone, deep down in that chest that carries their emotions _(or their cavern, as if they’re a dragon guarding treasure)_ holds something that made them the way they are. You’re no different from that. 

You lean back in your chair and a notification from Laivan pops up as soon as you stretch. You thought he was sleeping? Alright. You guess you’re not alone on this brainscape trip.

WA: Hey-    
WA: What’s going on-?    
UK: >([ damn not even gon ask #ow ya mans is doin ]    
UK: >([ sm# bluedog ma feelins r obliterated ]    
WA: Haha-    
WA: But seriously-    
WA: What’s going on-?    
WA: You’re usually fucking with somebody-    
WA: Or gaming-    
WA: And you’re doing neither-    
WA: I’m guessing at least-?    
UK: >([ damn dont call me out like dis ]    
UK: >([ jus t#inkin ]    
WA: I didn’t know you thought-    
UK: >([ low blow ]    
UK: >([ not#in important rlly ]    
UK: >([ yfeel ]    
WA: Yeah-    
WA: I feel you-    
WA: Do you wanna talk about any of it-? 

_(this is the chance of your lifetime just say you love dismas just say you pity him with your entire heart and wanna take care of him and make him feel good and comfort him when he's sad and you want the same treatment from him justsayit)_

UK: >([ na# ]    
UK: >([ im good ]    
WA: Alright- 

**Author's Note:**

> i drew art for this damn ass thing https://twitter.com/murritturkin/status/1119038138834227201


End file.
